“The Face of Kinston”

Thanks to Horns for alerting me to this: A slightly cheesy promotional video for Kinston …

Some highlights:

• 0:23 — Kinston grows up before your eyes … in 3D!
• 0:40 — “Located halfway between New York and Florida”; technically, that describes North Carolina, doesn’t it?
• 1:00 — “Multi-mode distribution center?” Wow!
• 1:17 — “Right to work laws”. Translation: You can fire their butts whenever you want! No unions here!
• 1:25 — “Kinston is a recognized leader” … in what? There was no explanation of what Kinston is a recognized leader in…
• 2:11 — Come to Kinston if you want to see the Blue Angels … hmmm, I’ve been here six years and still haven’t seen them fly over?
• 2:34 — Kinston, North Lenoir and South Lenoir props!
• 2:42 — Love to Lenoir Community College!
• 3:17 — A nice shot of the Lenoir Memorial Hospital walking track
• 3:38 — Should a house on fire be one of your selling points to bring people to Kinston? (“Hey! We have houses on fire! They’re hot!”)
• 4:00 — With a woman now narrating, we meet some of the best looking bitches in town! (You have to see it to believe it!)
• 4:08 — Mmmm, squash!
• 4:12 — Can’t those poor kids afford a REAL Slip N’ Slide?
• 4:31 — It took more than 4 1/2 minutes to get to the Kinston Indians?
• 4:40 — Richie Sexson and Willie McCovey are two of the biggest stars to play for the K-Tribe? Ever heard of Manny Ramirez or C.C. Sabathia?
• 4:53 — Thurman Pate!
• 4:58 — Someone please help that old guy with the Stairmaster! Please!
• 5:14 — “Brand new performing arts center”? This means this video was made in like 2001 or so?
• 5:24 — The planetarium is shown. An aside: I am yet to go there. Is it pretty cool?
• 5:42 — If you’re going to show Crystal Coast action, I suggest you get a hottie or two in the shot. That’ll make people come here!
• 5:58 — The Kinston water tower! And it doesn’t even have my spray-painted adoration to the hot blonde on it!
• 6:06 — OK, Lee, cut it off before you get here: they’re showing churches and talking about religion
• 6:27 — “Kinston welcomes you home”
• 6:28 — Fade to black … where it stays for 100 more seconds. Huh?

Not a bad video; any idea who put this together and what year it happened?